Goodbye, 2017! Hello, and let's be friends, 2018!

So long and farewell, 2017.

Well, isn't this something?

I'm writing to you in the last few hours before the new year. By the time anyone reads this, it'll already be the new year -- more than likely. Anyway, I guess I better start this reflection on 2017 before I start rambling more than I should.

I don't know about you, but I truly get a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach every time the new year rolls around while everyone else is celebrating. I feel like I haven't done enough to improve my life. It could be from the littlest things like picking up that sock I left on the floor to saying I love you more often or thank you, and I'm sorry, to bigger things like taking that trip I've been wanting to or taking a leap for a job or internship I'm highly underqualified for but would want to do in order to get out of my comfort zone. (And when I say underqualified, I mean it's completely outside of my degree.) 

This past year leaves an even deeper pit in my stomach since it didn't turn out the way it should have -- or the way I wanted it to happen. There were more downs than ups for me. I learned that I made the stupidest mistake that I know now has been keeping me back the past few years. The one mistake that I subconsciously repeated (or maybe it was consciously, now that I think about it?) over and over again without realizing that no matter how innocent the intentions were behind it, it was truly awful and damaging to myself as a person.

But, that said, isn't that also an upside since I figured out the primary reason that's holding me back from my potential? (I'm sorry, but I won't be going into details about it. There are only so many things one can divulge about themselves before she turns into a blubbering mess and the reader is left sinking in that mess trying to figure out what's happening while there's a dolphin jumping about and moaning crab singing about how great it is on the other side.) So if we put it into that context, then a negative in my life is also a positive, which, segway, let's reflect on the positives from 2017!

Let me say that these are in no particular order... ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

1. That stupid mistake. I realized my stupid mistake and I'm going to be more conscientious of my thoughts and actions so I won't commit the same mistake again.
2. My skin. This year I let my skin heal and breathe after hitting a rough patch with a skincare line and then covering it up with loads of makeup that made the situation worse. My skin is so much better now after letting it breathe! It doesn't look bruised anymore (which it never was haha).
3. Youtube. According to my friends, my editing has gotten better over the past year. Nour recently told me (so a week ago when we last hung out), that she watched from my very first video to my latest and told me she was impressed with how I've improved. Thank you so much to everyone who supports me with Youtube! I hope to improve in the coming year and produce more content. Keep an eye out on my channel since I'm taking this time off to post all of the content I missed out on (or most of it) since I was sick almost every other month of the year.
4. Exercising. Okay, even though I'm not at my healthiest, I can say that for once that I made an effort to work out and pretty consistently except for the months when I was sick. Having asthma and getting sick with a cold is never a good mix for me. It tends to get worse even with rest and medication. 😒
5. Accepting okay. So this might not be obvious, but there are times when I have to be just okay with a situation. If you know what I mean, raise your hand and let's high five. Learning to be just okay is, well, okay! There are some things we can't change, at least for now, but can improve upon in the future. That or we just have to accept and move on and let go. For me, I tossed myself into situations thinking I could sprint when in reality I needed to take baby steps since I haven't exerted myself that much in a long time. (This is metaphoric; I don't do marathons...yet. Now or never -- I dunno, I haven't decided.) And I had to learn to be okay with that as I build myself up to that sprint.
6. I went to flipping Chicago by myself. That speaks volumes. I want to do travel vlogs badly. No, I just need to travel. I want to spread my wings and learn about the world around me that I've read about in books and saw on the telly. That's daunting and scary, especially to my parents. But, they finally let me go on my own to Chicago so I could take pictures of my niece's first birthday. If you want to see some photos, I'm about to flood my Instagram with them because I finally finally finished sorting through and editing (minor) them so that my cousins could have their pictures after a MONTH. Finally is an understatement at this point. Bottom line: I travelled by myself for once.

There are so many things left on this list now that I'm sitting here thinking about it while listening to Edward Avila's livestream playback on Instagram (@edweird0 -- we don't know each other personally. I follow him and that's it.), but I can't mention all of them. It'll turn into a novel and that's the last thing you need to read on the first day of the new year. I'm grateful I took this time to reflect because, honestly, I was feeling downright crappy about this year passing. I felt like it was completely wasted, but instead I noticed that there was more personal growth than I give myself credit.

As the new year begins in t-minus five minutes, I wish you all the best and brightest new year, the happiest and progressive! May you continue to be you and inspire yourself and those around you. In this coming year, I hope to finally finish the biggest checkmark off my list as well as to stop overthinking everything and just doing. I hope to let myself grow in more ways and I wish the same for you.

Thank you for reading this, and cheers, loves, cheers to 2018!